Sylva Fae

Never Trust a Four Year Old

We’re strong advocates of getting children out in the fresh air and it was a main reason for buying our woods. We embrace all the fun, educational opportunities and health benefits that being out in nature can bring but we do let the children inside occasionally; all things in balance. With such a talented Nana it’s no surprise our girls have inherited a creative streak but they’ve also inherited their dad’s tendencies to push boundaries, break rules and be a tad excessive! Mix these traits with a cupboard full of glitter, glue and paint (and improvised materials) and you have a recipe for creative disaster.

The ability of toddlers and small children to create complete mayhem in the one minute you turn your back, defies any adult logic. It’s better not too think too deeply about the mess, just find your inner three year old and join in.

Here are ten facts you only learn when you become a parent:

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1) It takes one hour for a two year old to put on their shoes but less than a minute to cover a whole wooden floor in face cream.

2) Cutlery is great for scraping designs into furniture and stirring petal potions but fingers are best for eating stew, jelly and ice cream.

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3) Wet talcum powder sets like concrete within seconds. Two toddlers working together are capable of extreme talc decorating at remarkable speeds.

4) Fusion cooking is actually about dipping sausages in yogurt. Weetabix also sets like concrete on walls.

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5) Husbands should not be left in charge of freshly washed toddlers in their Sunday best five minutes before going out to lunch. Sharpie beards are not the best look when visiting the in-laws.

6) Nothing is out of reach to a determined toddler especially when they work in packs. The combined ingenuity of three rascals seeking chocolate should be a model for special forces operations.

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7) Two and three year olds keep a secret stash of forbidden objects ready for the one moment you turn your back. They may not have the dexterity for accuracy but are able to use a whole lipstick in one application.

8) Children’s pockets have Tardis-like capacity when it comes to collecting random objects on a walk. They are able to carry their own body weight in pebbles for miles but are unable carry their own shoes to the shoebox. However carefully you check, there will always be a few stray stones that make it into the washing machine.

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9) You must be specific with instructions.
“Don’t draw on your hand with felt tip.” does not mean it’s OK to draw on your sister’s legs in biro. And, “Let’s walk through the fountains.” actually meant on the path down the middle!

10) Walking on Lego with bare feet is a rare pain second only to childbirth. Children have the ability to distribute Lego around the house, camouflaging it with the décor for maximum surprise attacks. Of course by this point you’ve learnt to endure sudden pain in silence, as any expletives WILL be remembered and reused in public.

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I could go on and on. I’ve learnt a lot about myself as well and discovered skills I didn’t know I had. I can whip up a World Book Day costume out of scraps of felt and create meals to satisfy the fussiest eaters whose preferences change on a daily basis. I have developed a range of voices to suit the fairy tales of Grimm and Donaldson alike, though I’ve been banned from doing them in public. I stock a variety of glitters and sequins and even have a favourite play dough recipe. I have also learnt that I don’t have to be supermum all the time. It’s OK to have a house cluttered with books and toys and have children’s artwork tacked to every cupboard door. It’s OK for my children to be grubby, muddy, sticky and glittered because it shows they’re enjoying their childhood.

But for all of that, you should never trust a four year old!
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8 thoughts on “Never Trust a Four Year Old

  1. AvatarJill

    What a wonderful childhood your children will have because of the venue you have created for them in which to be children! I look forward to more blogs such as this one because it made me feel happy. Thank you for sharing with us.

    1. Sylva FaeSylva Fae Post author

      Thank you for reading Jill. There are times I wish I had a tidy house but secretly I love all the messy activities; I think we have as much fun as the girls do.

  2. AvatarSaundra

    I loved this post! It made me laugh and was a walk down memory lane! Your Children will always remember these times with fondness and so will you…Legos, paint and all! My son and I reminisce and he still talks about the time I let him finger-paint his entire body…he was 3.
    Many blessings and I look forward to more posts!

    1. Sylva FaeSylva Fae Post author

      Thank you Saundra. I too have many body painting experiences, in fact every painting activity usually leads to someone getting painted! I’m now suffering from the loom band and aquabeads craze – they reappear and multiply over night no matter how many I sweep up. I can usually find my eldest by the coloured trail of little bands. I wouldn’t have it any other way though.

    1. Sylva FaeSylva Fae Post author

      In hindsight yes! At the time I had moments when I put myself on the naughty step for all the things I wanted to say. Then deep breath, happy face on, take a photo and get the cleaning stuff out. What did we do before babywipes? – the answer to 99% of all art explosions (with Sharpie beards being the exception!)

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